BALANCE COACH

Impostor syndrome shows up in so many ways and sometimes it is hard to realise how much it holds us back from reaching our potential.

It makes us feel “less capable” and happy as we don’t go for things that we want.

Simply because we think we can’t.

I recently coached this gentleman who had an interview for a position of great responsibility for which he was completely qualified, but he had been delaying due to fear of failure for his presentation skills.

The interview was internal, and he had been in that job for over 15 years. Shortly after speaking with him, I could already see he had many qualities and passion, which made him a great candidate. But he could not see them.

   This I how I helped him to stop self sabotage:

A common problem within people who suffer Impostor syndrome is that they do not trust their abilities and skills:

They doubt themselves. They sense a big gap between their skills and what they think they need, and find it hard to believe in their capabilities. Their inner-critic tells them what they have or know is “not enough”.

1. Swap self-sabotaging thoughts for empowering ones:

One good way to change them is to keep a diary or a list of all your achievements. Look at them every day and believe in what you have done!

Next step would be finding which strengths you have that stem out of your daily achievements.

The self-sabotaging thoughts or beliefs he held are the first thing we reviewed:

As I found Walter, he was dismissive of his qualities and experience.

He was more worried about the one time he had an issue, than all the years he had been great at his job. Completely ignoring the fact that, as a human, he could make mistakes.

Instead of keeping in mind all his devotion and experience, he had chosen to focus in the one time everything went wrong. Even though that had happened in a really hard period at work, where he was overworked and dealing with a lot of extra pressure. It wasn’t the best sample of his daily performance, it was what made him doubt of himself.

We talked it through, exhausting all the “ifs”, as sometimes fears show up bigger when we don’t want to look at them.

2. What we think of ourselves is stronger than what we would imagine. It is important to review it before we accept it as true, to avoid falling into self-sabotaging habits:

If we believe we are terrible at sports, that will probably not motivate us start running or even cycling for fun.

• Notice what story you are telling about yourself and your capabilities, and question:

Where do these beliefs come from?

Are their yours? Or you heard them from someone else?

How old are they? Do you have any evidence that they are true? –

And, could this change or you still be capable of achieving what is in your mind if you put time, effort and development?

Changing our dialogue to kinder and compassionate positions will support our development. And like everything in life, ‘progress makes perfection’.

What could you tell yourself instead, that would support you as you need? Write that down, and make it a mantra to repeat to yourself.

3. Lastly, the preview of a scary or challenging event is something that also stresses us and triggers self-sabotaging behaviours:

When Walter came to me he said he was very nervous about the interview because of his fear of speaking in public. Although he seemed the nicest and a charming and empathetic person from the first time we met.

Still, we all face irrational fears when we face an event which result is important for us. How to deal with this?

First of all, it is ok to work on it. Not thinking about it can be an avoidant strategy, but might end up worse if our fears are based on years of beliefs.

The best way is exploring the underlying beliefs and fears, the “real” evidence there is, build on self trust drawing from our strengths and practice and prepare as much as we can to minimise uncertainty.

But many can’t avoid feeling the nervousness and there are few things to understand:

1. It is normal to feel a bit unsettled. It happens to everyone, and it only may go away with time and practice
2. Minimise uncertainty by preparing and practicing in an efficient way
3. Find things that relax you that you can do prior to that
4. Know your body: The effects of nervousness and excitement in our body are almost the same. So trick your mind by convincing yourself you are excited.

This is possible by focusing on the positive outcome instead of why you are scared. If by doing that you will take the next step in your career, or help others remember that! There is a reason why you have to be there.

As you know, our brain is a powerful machine, and it is at our service. So we just need to feed it what we need, and it will deliver. We just need to tell it what it needs to hear, and your body will hear.

After going through all this, Walter realised:

• How much potential, skills and experience he had for the position by observing the evidence himself. That panted a seed for Self trust, instead of encouraging comparison
• When accepting that, he was then ready to let go of some pressure, and focus on how he could prepare in the most efficient way, without feeling resistance of his fears. That made him feel more ready and less nervous.
• He accepted the nature of the event, focusing on progress over perfection; accepting that, although imperfect it could still be great.
• Finally, he had genuine passion for his job, so I encouraged him to connect with the reason why he wanted that position. The fact of helping others gave him an even bigger boost to fight for it.

“What we are passionate about has the biggest drive to motivate us”

• We also went through the physiology of the anticipation anxiety: First, we don’t gain anything by keep thinking about it. Secondly, choosing to swap feeling scared by feeling excited as a support strategy.

HE started believing in himself, and was sure that he had to get it. Not only for himself, but to support and develop others! How beautiful is that?

What we achieved with Walter was amazing, and it was done only over a course of an 1,5h sessions.

I am now offering this deep dive sessions if you have something important coming, or you want to try how I could help you deeply but without commitment. Do not hesitate to book a FREE consultation and I will tell you all about it.

Limited time only!